It has taken me four years and 50 days (give or take a few…) to achieve this! I got my thesis back from the binders this morning. I have taken tomorrow off from work in order to submit it to the University.
I have been looking forward to this day for SOOOOOOO long. Gone are the days when I was “excited” about my project. Then came the days when I thought “at least I am doing what I want”. Soon after that, it was, “There is probably nothing else I can do anyway!”. Finally it was, “Just finish!!”.
Now that I am at the final stretch, I don’t know how to feel! When I got my Honours theses bound, I would open it and look at all the colour pictures constantly. This morning, I didn’t even check to see if the binders had done a good job. I simply put them in a box and placed it in my brother’s car boot and said, “I will get it off you later tonight!”.
At the end of my Honours, I was excited. Somehow I expected to feel four times more excited as I did then - given that it took me four times as long to finish! However, I don’t feel excited. I don’t feel calm or relaxed. I don’t feel scared. I don’t even have a feeling of accomplishment!
I am anxious and kinda empty. A bit of an anti-climax really!
When I told Sudarshan this, he said, “You are a different person now to whom you were then.” My friend Yumna, who is always full of wisdom said, “You need to give yourself some time – you have been too involved with this so you are not seeing clearly now.”
I believe that the last year of my PhD has been the most difficult. I can not believe how long it has taken me to “get there”!
It is amusing to go through this blog to see how my attitude towards my PhD has changed from first year to fourth – and it is particularly interesting to see just how much of my life has revolved around my PhD!
Maybe once I officially “hand-in”, I will feel different…
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