a little story... a massive realisation

I heard this story several years ago. I think I realised some of it's true import only this morning!

Sage Narada was afflicted by an inflated ego one day. He started to think that he was perhaps the greatest devotee of Lord Narayana and that no one in the three worlds came close, for he always had the Lord’s name at the tip of his tongue and he started nor finished anything without taking the Lord’s name.

In order to hear this from the Lord himself, the Sage approached the Lord and asked, “Narayana! Oh Lord! Who in the three world’s is your greatest devotee?”.

Realising that Naradha’s ego was getting the better of him, the Lord said, “I would like you to spend a day with the man who is my greatest devotee.”

The Sage was taken slightly aback and said, “Where is this man?”

The Lord then pointed to a farmer on earth and said, “He is my greatest devotee”.

Narada was extremely curious to know what it was that this farmer was doing that had given him the title of “greatest devotee” - a title which he felt should really have belonged to him.

Duly, Sage Naradha descended from the heaven and decided to watch what it was that this farmer was doing that set him apart.

The Farmer woke before dawn, he then said, “Om Namo Narayana” three times then continued with his daily tasks. He went out to the fields, worked tirelessly. He ate, he spent the day doing all his duties and after a very busy day (during which he did not even mention the Lord’s name once!) he came back home. Before retiring to sleep, once again, he recited the Lord’s name three times and fell asleep.

Seeing this, the sage felt that the Lord was indeed joking. He was rather flustered, for the Sage always had the Lord’s name at the tip of his tongue while the farmer only thought of the Lord twice in an entire day! He approached the Lord Narayana who looked at him and smiled. Knowing what was going through the sage’s head, the Lord said, “Did you see my greatest devotee? Do you not agree that he is my greatest devotee?”

The sage was quite annoyed now and said, “I do not understand how someone who only takes your name twice a day can be your greatest devotee! I am forever reciting your name and am forever thinking of you!”

Lord Narayana then said, “I see your point. However, let me ask you to do a small task for me.” Saying this, the Lord gave the sage a small cup filled to the brim with oil. The Lord then said, “Take this cup around the three worlds, but you must ensure that not a drop of oil spills.”

Seeing this as an opportunity to redeem his title, the sage took the cup and slowly walked around the three worlds.

After travelling around the three worlds, the sage returned. He had not spilt a single drop of oil. The cup was as full as it had been when the Lord had given it to him.

The sage looked at the Lord and said, “I have done as you asked! Surely I am your greatest devotee?”

To this, the Lord said, “So, during your trip around the three worlds how many times did you utter my name?”

The sage hung his head in shame, for he had been concentrating on not spilling the oil and as a result he had forgotten about the Lord.

The Lord then said, “You are a sage – you have nothing to tie you to any of the worlds. You are bound to no one. That farmer is a part of the world. He has many duties which he must do each day – much like carrying a cup of oil around without spilling a single drop. Despite that, he thinks of me before he starts his duties for the day and thanks me at the end of the day. That is why he is my greatest devotee.”

I was thinking of that story today. The smallest of gestures - done in sincerety beat the greatest of feats done purely to impress!

Search for Contentment

“"... all the sorrow and trouble of this world is caused by unhappy people. Not only in the big global Hitler-'n'-Stalin picture, but also on the smallest personal level. Even in my own life, I can see exactly where my episodes of unhappiness have brought suffering or distress or (at the very least) inconvenience to those around me. The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people."

— Elizabeth Gilbert in “Eat, Pray, Love”

People often do things more for others than themselves. When you constantly live to please others, at one point you start to lose yourself. You become defined by your actions towards others rather than your own regard for yourself. For example, you become the person who “can’t refuse”, rather than the person, who “won’t refuse”.

The more worrying thing about the above is that at a certain stage “self-sacrifice” starts appealing to you. With time, you start associating your unhappiness with the happiness of others.

When written in plain view as done above, it makes me see just how wrong, stupid and utterly disrespectful (to the "others") it is to think that. I have fallen into the above trap many times and have surely seen some of the people that I love most also trip.

I am reminded yet again that you need to love yourself before you can love the world.

Sleep Talking

I have been told by many people that I often talk in my sleep. I remember a few years ago when I was visiting Mumbai my dad told me that I sounded like I was arguing with someone in my sleep. My dad said, "Even while sleeping you don't shut up!"

My husband often tells me that I talk in my sleep. I apparently say all sorts of things. I also answer questions that are placed before me - and that is probably why I can't hide anything from my husband!

However, most of the time I just make a bunch of sounds that don't really make sense.

I guess I am a deep sleeper - if I am crying in my dreams, I wake up crying. Similarly, if I am laughing, I actually start laughing and this apparently is most disconcerting. I can just imaginge Sudarshan fast asleep and suddenly he is woken up to the sound of an eerie laugh...I wish I could see it! Most of the time, it is all fairly harmless. I think I just say out loud the things I am saying in my dreams.

I have just been reading up on sleep talking and there really doesn't seem to be that much information out there about it. As I don't drink or do drugs :O :O, I am not really sure why I sleep talk. Maybe I should see a psychologist - or maybe I should see one for being an hypochondriac!

I have been rather restless the last few nights so I am fairly certain that I have been tossing and turning and mumbling random things.

Two nights ago it turns out that rather than "talking" I have actually been "singing" in my sleep. Sudarshan found it hilarious and has been pointing it out and laughing at me every chance he gets! Apparently there were no words, I just kept going "Na nna na nnaa nana" for a few minutes, before going "back to sleep".

Yesterday happened to be a rather warm night but it did get quite chilly in the morning. Sudarshan was hogging the quilt so I said , "You have the whole quilt! I have nothing" then waited for him to give me the quilt. He seemed to be fast asleep so I had to yank it from him. I then went back to sleep.

This morning, Sudarshan got up and said, "You were talking in your sleep again!". I am always curious to what I could have said and when I asked him he said, "You said, something like 'You have the quilt. I have nothing.' What a wierd thing to say ayy?".

Sigh.

Bitter.

I don’t know why I picked Science. I remember in Yr.10 when we had to draw up a list of short-term and long-term goals, my goal was to get my name in the “British Medical Journal”. I don’t know why that particular journal – or why I was even aware of it! However, that is what I wanted.

I actually had a fork (trident?) in my long-term plan. “If UAI = 99.3 or higher, apply for Medicine. If UAI < 90, apply for Medical Science. If UAI < 70, apply for Teaching.” Teaching was ruled out pretty early on. I wanted to be a teacher – because I always thought I was good at it and it made me happy to teach. I wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to do “good” – and thought that I would get over my aversion for blood and guts. I wanted to be a scientist because I wanted to make a difference. It was never going to be enough for me to just do a job that would pay.

I had a UAI< 90. I got into Medical Science. I fell in “love” with Science. I sometimes wonder if I am fooling myself by saying that. Did I actually fall in love with my subjects or did I feel like I would have to because I wouldn’t be able to do Medicine anyway and Teaching was never really an option?

For the moment, I will assume that I fell in love with the subject. I finished my degree and started an Honours degree. I don’t think I was thinking seriously of a PhD then. During my Honours year I was told that I was “good at research”. I no longer know what that means.

A PhD seemed like the next logical step and before I knew it, I was doing something. What I wanted to do for a PhD and what I ended up getting were two different things. I was interested in pure genetics and I got molecular biology. At the time, I probably couldn’t tell the difference. Besides, PhDs in pure genetics are hardly possible anymore anyway.

I told myself all those beautiful things about science – how science is the search for the ultimate truth. It is worth everything. Scientists are selfless – why else would they subject themselves to long hours of laborious tasks for something close to minimal wage? Blah blah blah.

I now know that scientists are people too. They aren’t searching for the “truth”. They are simply searching for a paper, a publication and a career. A career that is often gotten not by the quality of the research you carry out but often by what ideas you steal. Science isn’t about collaboration – it is about tripping your colleagues, stepping on them and getting ahead. Science is about making a living.

If you want to be a scientist who wants to “search for the truth”, you have to be willing to play the same ball-game. Sure it is “all that we have”, but really if this is it, then the world is a much dirtier place than I originally thought.

I think it was Harry Truman (a politician) who said something along the lines of, “it is amazing how much you can achieve if you don’t worry about who gets the credit”. If scientists were “selfless” and were simply devoting their life to the search for the “truth”, then I think we would have a cure for cancer by now. Unfortunately Scientists worry too much about “who gets the credit”. It is not enough to just make a discovery, but extremely important to hide that discovery till you can establish yourself as the world’s leading expert in that field. Scientists are hypocrites. There is constant talk of collaboration and “sharing of ideas”. They always talk about how it is so important to share your thoughts. However, when it comes down to it, scientists rarely do it – they worry about someone else “stealing” their idea.

I remember during my first year of my PhD, someone else published a paper that was pretty much a summary of what my PhD was supposed to be. I was upset for myself – however, I remember saying to anyone who was interested that the discovery had been made. If I had made the discovery, it would have taken another 3 or 4 years. It doesn’t matter who figures it out – all that matters is that someone did.

I was talking to someone late last year about Yoga and Cancer. He was saying how he knows of people who have spent a few weeks in the Himalayas and as a result their cancer has been cured. Science is not able to explain it. The scientist in me doubts very much that a change in altitude/geography will cure all your ills. People always make fun of things like religion, astrology, numerology etc., by saying that there is no scientific proof. It is scary to think that the heart medication you are taking probably has less proof than the premise than the time of your birth affects your personality.

However, if I was suffering from some disease and a spiritual attitude cured me (despite no scientific proof), does it really matter? If all I want is relief and I get it, then does it really matter whether there is any “scientific proof” for my methods?

However, it matters in Science. It matters whether I make a discovery or if my partner does. It matters who comes up with the idea first. Scientists give whole talks where they say “We have found X to be a possible cure for Y”; and yet never actually tell you what X is. They do it (and justify it) by saying that they don’t want to talk about something that hasn’t been proven completely - or they fool themselves by saying that further work is needed. In reality, they don’t want someone else to publish before them. They are selfish. If it was true that they did not want to talk about something that hasn’t been proven, then they shouldn’t talk about it at all – unless and until you are convinced about your result, you wouldn’t talk about it anyway.

To put half the story out there, is hindering progress – the complete opposite of the unspoken oath that a scientist takes at the beginning of their career. It deeply angers me that ideas are withheld for selfish reasons – and when a discovery or idea is not shared, there is absolutely nothing noble about it. Even if the discovery can have drastic consequences. Even when a scientist withholds a discovery that they think can destroy the earth – they don’t do it because it will – they do it at best because they can’t do the necessary experiments to prove it or at worst because they don’t want their name associated with it. Scientists have come up with things like, “All discoveries have possible good and bad consequences” and, “a scientist simply wants the truth – the consequences are of no importance”. Scientists are able to hide their selfishness by masking it as something truly noble and absolute.

I am writing this because I have come to the conclusion that I don’t know any “true” scientists. Scientists are not searching for the truth. That is the truth.

Perhaps these bitter realisations are simply my conclusions because of my understanding of science and scientists over the course of my PhD. Perhaps I will conclude this like a “scientist” – my arguments hold true for the science I have seen performed and for the scientists I have met. I will even put a disclaimer out and say, “This may not necessarily refer to all scientists – only to those that I have met.” Scientists like to cover al their bases – but at what cost?

“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting.” – Buddha.

Preparing for India...

Over the next 5/6 weeks, I will be updating my travel blog - so see you there!

ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I am annoyed! I am frustrated!
Most of all - I AM VERY ANGRY!!

I have had it with the “climate sceptics”!! I have tried for weeks now to try to see their point of view – but I CAN’T! I am sick and tired of hearing the “arguments” for and against! It frustrates me sooo bloody much!

I was talking to a friend about why I am a vegetarian (who is also a vegetarian) and she was telling me how it frustrates her that she seems to have to justify her reason for being a vegetarian EVERY TIME she is out at lunch. She wanted to know why she had to justify her reason for choosing to not eat meat, and yet all those people there who chose to eat meat did not have to justify why “killing animals” was perfectly alright.

Why is it that the person who drinks can say nothing, but yet the person who chooses not to, must justify their actions? If you choose to gamble, it is fine. If you choose not to, then you have to answer to “Why??”.

I know this is not a proper “argument” that looks at both sides. These are merely opinions. I know the answers to the above questions – that is not why I am asking them. I know how to look at the other side of the coin and I also know that this kind of an argument will get me nowhere with anyone or anything. You know what - I DON'T CARE!

I am just sick and tired of having to support my arguments. So – like a lot of other people (who seem to get away with it), I too am going to pass an opinion and not give any supporting evidence. This is my blog. I can say what I want.

Climate change is real.
It IS largely man-made.
WE HAVE to do something about it.
AUSTRALIA (and other developed nations) HAVE TO do more than "something".
I am willing to pay a few extra dollars a day to ensure a better future for all of us.

There.

I did want to write a proper essay on why climate change is man-made, I wanted to give all my reasons for why I believe that to be the case and why I don’t agree with what the “sceptics” have to say. Then I read what the sceptics had to say.

If they don’t have to make sense, then neither do I. If they can’t give me a reason, then I don’t have to either.

I am done ranting - and I feel much better now.

Red Red Red

I woke up this morning, stepped outside to draw a kolam and was shocked at what I saw. I have never seen so much red! At first I thought it was the sun rising... but when I couldn't see the sun and when the red persisted I got confused.

I then thought maybe there was a bushfire somewhere - but I could not smell the smoke. Then I thought perhaps a volcano had erupted somewhere. Maybe if there were ANY volcanoes in Sydney that would have been an option!

I then turned on the news and realised that it was a dust storm. I took a few pics with my phone and left it at that.

Sydney looked soo amazng this morning!

It was like mother nature had gone crazy with the red paint...

Change

There is a quote that goes something like this... "The only constant in life is change itself" - maybe someone can correct this for me.

I am doing my taxes after a hiatus of FIVE YAERS!! One of the (many?) benefits of being a student was not having to worry about anything in the real world!

When I went to lodge my tax return I kept getting errors. It kept telling me that my personal details didn't quite match. Eventually I got locked out of the system and had to speak to a real person to sort it out.

When I was speaking to the really nice tax lady, she asked me a few questions and I told her that all my details needed to be changed on the records. Everything about me on paper has changed over the last 5 years. My name, title, address, living arrangements, phone number, financial details - almost everything!

I was thinking about how I am almost a different person now. Physically, mentally and socially. I was a little bit taken aback by all the changes and in a way it gave me an opportunity to look back at what I was and what I have become.

I guess in another 5 years, if I look back, I will think about how much I have changed yet again...

Let's Pretend!!

I was just reading an article about how it is perfectly normal for children to have imaginary friends. I remember a few years ago, another study was published that stated that having an imaginary friend was healthy and that children who had imaginary friends were less likely to develop depression, bipolar, Schizophrenia, etc as adults. Interesting isn’t it? Idon’t know how true either of those statements are – depends on what your “friends” are like I suppose!

I had imaginary friends as a kid. Some of you may have already heard this story. I am sure I had plenty of imaginary friends as I was growing up – having two brothers meant that I didn’t have anyone to plays with dolls with me or have a tea party with. So I would make them up. Kids do that all the time.

For example: we were at a friend’s house last weekend and they have a 4 year old. He asked everyone to play Table Tennis with him. After playing for a while, both my brothers and Sudarshan were feeling tired, so they said, “Let’s play something else”. He was very insistent and decided that he would play TT by himself – he would hit the ball from one end, run to the other end, and try to hit it back – and would be having a conversation with himself the whole time! (Surely that much energy has got to be (un?)healthy at some level???)

I don’t remember the names of my imaginary friends (I don’t think I had a steady friend, they would change according to what I needed at the time) but I do remember one particular friend that I used to have. I can’t remember what he was called…

He was a big monster – about the size of three grown-ups. He was huuuge and scary looking. He could fly and would only visit “once a year”. He didn’t talk to little kids much – but he would talk to me. However, I had to be very careful not say or do anything wrong as if I did, he would get angry and accidently injure me!

While I knew my other “imaginary friends” were “imaginary”, I used always get this one friend confused. I could never remember if he really existed or not. When you are a kid, “a year” is a long time, and if others couldn’t remember him, I would assume it was simply because they “forgot”.

Psychoanalyse that!

To love and to hold...

It is always nice when you have time to do all those things that you have been putting off for one reason or another. That is how I feel at the moment. My evenings and weekends are all mine and I can do whatever I want with them!

I have started sketching and painting again and am really enjoying it. I am also reading a lot more and have been learning Telugu (finally!). I am loving my work at the moment and am appreciating what I have in life in general.

There is a certain routine to life now – and I like it that way. I am enjoying doing all those little chores that I feel like I never had time for before. Things like organising the pantry, picking flowers for the vase or thinking of what sort of cushions will look nice. Those sorts of domestic things are no longer a “luxury” – if that makes sense!

Both Sudarshan and I are really enjoying the time we are spending together – we like being able to do what we want when we want. There seem to be no restrictions and we are enjoying every minute.

I remember feeling like this towards the end of my degree, just before my PhD, prior to getting married and then again immediately after Sudarshan and I moved out.

Every phase in life must be beautiful in its own way.

The Big Day - 27th of March, 2009.

It has taken me four years and 50 days (give or take a few…) to achieve this! I got my thesis back from the binders this morning. I have taken tomorrow off from work in order to submit it to the University.

I have been looking forward to this day for SOOOOOOO long. Gone are the days when I was “excited” about my project. Then came the days when I thought “at least I am doing what I want”. Soon after that, it was, “There is probably nothing else I can do anyway!”. Finally it was, “Just finish!!”.

Now that I am at the final stretch, I don’t know how to feel! When I got my Honours theses bound, I would open it and look at all the colour pictures constantly. This morning, I didn’t even check to see if the binders had done a good job. I simply put them in a box and placed it in my brother’s car boot and said, “I will get it off you later tonight!”.

At the end of my Honours, I was excited. Somehow I expected to feel four times more excited as I did then - given that it took me four times as long to finish! However, I don’t feel excited. I don’t feel calm or relaxed. I don’t feel scared. I don’t even have a feeling of accomplishment!

I am anxious and kinda empty. A bit of an anti-climax really!

When I told Sudarshan this, he said, “You are a different person now to whom you were then.” My friend Yumna, who is always full of wisdom said, “You need to give yourself some time – you have been too involved with this so you are not seeing clearly now.”

I believe that the last year of my PhD has been the most difficult. I can not believe how long it has taken me to “get there”!

It is amusing to go through this blog to see how my attitude towards my PhD has changed from first year to fourth – and it is particularly interesting to see just how much of my life has revolved around my PhD!

Maybe once I officially “hand-in”, I will feel different…

"08"... Done and Dusted...

My customary summary of 08 is long overdue! The delay in the post in itself shows how busy the year was.

January:

I welcomed the new year with Sudarshan and Natasha. What a day! Can't beleive that that was over a year ago now!

After living in Australian for almost 15 years, we visited Melbourne for the very first time - and absolutely loved it. More than anything else, I think it was the company that did it for me (and for everyone else there). Who could forget the singing of "Happy Anniversary to you" at the 12 Apostles, the ever-famous "Saavu giraaki" speech at Phillip Island or the tireless driving had by all? I think we all forget just how gorgeous Australia really is sometimes. There is something about being a tourist - you think you can do whatever you want without worrying about what anyone else will say or think. We should all be tourists more often...

On our way back from Melbourne, at 12 midnight, we stopped over somewhere past Wodonga at a service station and were warmly congradulated on reaching the ever-so important milestone of completing 1 year of our married life together. I remember being hit by a surge of emotion at the time. I can't explain what it was now but I remember holding Sudarshan's hand really tightly and wanting to cry.

February:

That was when Kevin Rudd said "Sorry". What a moment.

I remember talking to my Thatha in February and he would tell Sudarshan and I constantly how happy he was with the two fo us. He would constantly tell us how he saw that we both stood by each other and how much he loved that about both of us. "Made for each-together".

March:

My Grandparents, great-aunt, mom and Srini all left for India in March for a short break. That was the last time I saw my Thatha. I remember how their was a technical difficulty with their A380 and so couldn't leave till the next day. It was like he had come back to properly say "good-bye". I hugged my Thatha before he left - something I don't think I have done very often (if at all!).

They all left for India, Rama came to spend time with Sudarshan and myself while they were away. When Srini came back, he too spent time with us. I enjoyed looking after my brothers.

April:

I was hurriedly working on my thesis and finishing off experiments. I remember being kept busy - both at work and at home. I had my brothers with me and my mum was back too. I spent a lot of weekends eating out at family friend's houses that month.

May:

My mum was back, and we were all on our way to a friend's house. My dad was expected back in Sydney the next day. We suddenly got a call from my dad saying that rather than flying to Sydeny he would be flying to India as Thatha wasn't feeling well and had been admitted to hospital.

Things can change in life so suddenly. We did go to our friend's house but left early and Sudarshan and I spent the night with my mum and my brothers. There was something not quite right. I remember telling myself, "Thatha said he will come back - so he will."

I was the one to take the phone when my dad called to break the news. Somehow we had all been expecting it.

Never having lost a close relative, it was as if we didn't know what to do. We all got very busy suddenly. I volunteered myself and Sudarshan to go and buy the air tickets for my mum to leave immediately. I was in the car when I shed my first tear - then it was hard to stop.

I developed hatred that month. I hated certain people. I don't know why. Maybe bereavement does that to you. It is all too hard to understand.

June:

June was spent coming to terms with what had happened and with realising that life doesn't stop. A certain kind macabre peace was felt - "People die. You are in grief. Then you get on with life." If I was to die, people would mourn but they would get on with their lives. It doesn't stop. It made me strangely more accepting of the world and made me see just how transcient it really is.

I still feel sad sometimes and happy at other times - but, I now know that it isn't going to last forever.

July:

With both my parents back, our family was suddenly different. We were suddenly looking for a house to buy.

August:

I presented at a conference and was awarded for the same. Sudarshan and I bought a house. My grandma came from India. And things were back to normal. My father in-law joined us. I got a job. I don't think I could have squeezed anymore into the month if I had tried!

September:

The after math of all that happened in August was lingering on. I spent much of Septemeber moving and working on my thesis. I started at my new job. I don't really know where Septemeber went. It is all a blur now. I remember thinking, "If I can get through Septemeber, I can get through anything."

October:

October is always a busy time of the year in my family. Rama's 21st, Sudarshan's 28th (so old - and I make it a point to remind him every opportunity I get :P), my 25th... Working two jobs, writing in my spare (??) time...

Stressed? Perhaps...

November:

I started to feel calm again. I started to feel like everything was going to be ok. I was extremely grateful for what I had and had a sudden surge of self-confidence that made me feel like I could do it. Perhaps it was surviving September and October that did it!

I too was taken by Obamania and started developing a strange thirst for knowledge outside my field. Maybe it was just masked procrastination.

December:

December continued in very much the same pace as November. However, I had started taking each day at a time and thanking my good fortune at the end of each day.

I think I was a good person this year.

There it is. 2008 - officially the year of "Accepting circumstances and valuing goodness."

“Life after People”

A documentary called “Life after People” was on Channel 7 last night. Sudarshan and I watched it. At the start I thought, “this is stupid!” (you should listen to the music and the narrator’s voice!), however after the first ten minutes or so, I got really “into it”. Sudarshan on the other hand was unable to share my enthusiasm and the best he could say about the documentary was “the graphics are pretty cool”.

I guess life after people will be largely dependent on how exactly we humans become extinct…

The show was based on the assumption that one day, all of a sudden, humans will simply disappear or drop dead – and only humans. All other mammals were assumed to have survived whatever it was that had resulted in our extinction. I think this is unlikely (unless all human beings board a space craft and fly off to some other planet and leave earth behind or fail to control a viral/bacterial pandemic that is human-specific).

I think that when we eventually “go”, we will take a number of other species with us.

There was one thing that the show spoke about towards the end which I found very thought-provoking. The show concluded that within 500 – 1000 years, most traces of the “modern man” would have been wiped off the planet. All man made structures would have crumbled and there will be no trace of our existence. The only reason we know about ancient civilisations such as those of the Egyptians and Incans was because they left behind writings etched on stone. We tend to store our legacies on books, CDs and computers that are far less durable…

They did suggest that perhaps Mount Rushmore, the Great Wall of China and perhaps the larger pyramids of Giza would still be around, but not much else.

If humans were going to be become extinct and life continued without us (which I am fairly certain will in one way or another), then is it important to etch our legacy in something more durable? Or, in the absence of humans, does our “legacy” too become worthless?

Laugh Kookaburra Laugh...

I can't remember the last time I saw a flock of birds in the sky. Apart from the common pigeons, magpies, indian mainas and the occasional rosellas I hardly see any other birds. I see a few cockatoos when we pass some bushland on our way to work but that is really it.

I don't particularly like birds - an extension of my hatred for all animals really, but now that I spend a lot more time looking at the sky (I have a seat by the window), I can't help but wonder where all the birds went!

As a kid in Fiji, my friend and I would lie on the grass and look at the sky and watch flocks of birds flying "to get home to sleep". We would lie there counting them (this was before Fiji got free-to-air TV!).

Perhaps I no longer take enough notice of the brids in the sky, or maybe they simply aren't there anymore! Either way, it is really sad.

6 Degrees of Separation

I saw a really interesting documentary yesterday on the science of "Networking" titled "How Kevin Bacon cured cancer"

After watching that documentary, I felt a bit like I did when I first learnt about DNA for the first time. The world suddenly seemed very different.

The idea that everyone is connected to everyone else through very small path lengths totally blows me away. We have all heard of (and perhaps participated in the experiment through Facebook!) 6 Degrees of Separation but I think there is something else there. I feel like there is something really profound in that documentary - I just don't know what it is!

I can't seem to stop thinking about it though... Maybe there is really nothing there and I was just tired. Whatever the case, I will get over it.

(BTW, For those that are interested, you can watch it on YouTube...)

Where do you start?

I was speaking to my father-in-law when he was here about the state of India at present. He put all the problems in India down to one thing "Corruption". He was convinced that corruption was the root-cause of all evil.

When I look at problems at a state, national or global level, I am almost never able to find solutions. I don't know if that is because of my own ignorance or because there is genuinely no solution. Perhaps it is my mental make-up - very few solutions result in a win-win situation.

When I think about all the problems in my house, a city, a country or the world, I always end-up at the same place...

"Be open-minded, do what you think is right and understand that your way may not necessarily be THE way." It is not always easy to follow, but you have to try.

Powell for Obama

"He is not a Muslim, he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no, that's not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, 'He's a Muslim and he might be associated terrorists.' This is not the way we should be doing it in America."
-Colin Powell

Been wondering about this for a while now... WHY HASN'T ANYONE ASKED THIS QUESTION ALREADY????

Comments like "Barrack HUSSEIN Obama - how can you vote for someone with a muslim name??" makes me SOOOOOO ANGRY! To think that there are Americans out there who feel taht way - and are allowed to vote!

My 2 cents on (for?) the Financial Crisis...

About three weeks ago, I got my first PROPER job. Since I started, I have had absolutely nothing to do! As a result, I have been reading online newspapers – as you do! The things that have been dominating both the local and international news at the moment have been i) global recession and ii) the American election. Here is my 2 cents (or perhaps 1 cent!) worth…

As I don’t understand economics AT ALL, I spent the first few days at work reading “How banks work” and “How the stock market works” on “www.howstuffworks.com”. (You try sitting at a desk for 8 hours straight with no solitaire to play!). I can’t say that I understand it all but I think I “get it” more now than before. However, I don’t believe that I understand economics enough to be able to make an informed decision on what is the right thing to do as an individual.

I guess if bad debts are what caused this mess than all I can do at the moment is spend no more than I make and save for a rainy day. I guess that is pretty much the philosophy of most Indians living abroad anyway. The quote of the day in my Tamil calendar reads, “Indru nee thevai ilaadhadhai vaanginaal, naalai nee thevai aanadhai vaanga mudiyaadhu” which roughly translates to, “Today, if you buy something you don’t need then tomorrow you won’t be able to buy something that you do need” I think the quote to an extend highlights the general Indian mentality – or perhaps I am generalizing too much?

I still don’t fully understand how all of the above is connected but I can see that it is. Perhaps I need to type “Economics” into Wikipedia and see what that returns. (I did read “Economics for Dummies” which was helpful but the current global financial mess isn’t any clearer to me!) Perhaps I should just accept that I am never really going to understand economics fully and therefore I shouldn’t bother.

With regards to the American election, I have become an Obama fan – more out of revolt for McCain and Palin (both of whom provided me with hours of comic entertainment!) than out of love or pure admiration for Obama. I would like to think that America will change dramatically as a result of this election but I won’t put my money on that.

However, ahving someone who can see the flaws of the country has got to be a step in the right direction... surely!

July Flies by...

One week to the last week of July.

So much has happened over the last month I don't know where to start! Let's just say that life is really beautiful right now.

I get worried when too many good things happen. I think life has a certain equilibrium to it - something like Yin and Yang... When too many good things happen, I immediately start thinking that something really horrible is just around the corner.

Sometimes I think about that and I think, 'That is a really bleak way of living". Other days I think that it is that very view that makes me keep a cool head regardless of the situation.

I am happy now - so why should I think about the future? If I am so contented, then surely I won't be able to cope with anything slightly worrying that the future will throw at me.

I guess you should just enjoy every happy moment and deal with anything that is not... Seems so simple - then why do we worry?

I guess sometimes we feel like we are not strong enough to deal with everything life throws at us.

Life goes on.

Almost a month now. It is hard to describe how I feel. I can't say that "I am over it" or that "I am still in a state of shock". I miss Thatha very much.

I think how your family behaves when hit with a tragedy is a true measure of its strengths. The way my family has coped over the last month I am sure is one that would have made Thatha feel extremely proud.

I have two months to go till I submit. We are looking to buy a house. My parents are going to shuffle between India and Australia over the next few years. I am presenting at a conference in Adelaide. I will hopefully have a real job soon. Srini will be working soon. Rama is finishing off his degree and starting honours. My Grandma is looking after my pregnant cousin.

Life does go on.