Saturday, December 12, 2009

Preparing for India...

Over the next 5/6 weeks, I will be updating my travel blog - so see you there!

Tuesday, December 08, 2009


I am annoyed! I am frustrated!
Most of all - I AM VERY ANGRY!!

I have had it with the “climate sceptics”!! I have tried for weeks now to try to see their point of view – but I CAN’T! I am sick and tired of hearing the “arguments” for and against! It frustrates me sooo bloody much!

I was talking to a friend about why I am a vegetarian (who is also a vegetarian) and she was telling me how it frustrates her that she seems to have to justify her reason for being a vegetarian EVERY TIME she is out at lunch. She wanted to know why she had to justify her reason for choosing to not eat meat, and yet all those people there who chose to eat meat did not have to justify why “killing animals” was perfectly alright.

Why is it that the person who drinks can say nothing, but yet the person who chooses not to, must justify their actions? If you choose to gamble, it is fine. If you choose not to, then you have to answer to “Why??”.

I know this is not a proper “argument” that looks at both sides. These are merely opinions. I know the answers to the above questions – that is not why I am asking them. I know how to look at the other side of the coin and I also know that this kind of an argument will get me nowhere with anyone or anything. You know what - I DON'T CARE!

I am just sick and tired of having to support my arguments. So – like a lot of other people (who seem to get away with it), I too am going to pass an opinion and not give any supporting evidence. This is my blog. I can say what I want.

Climate change is real.
It IS largely man-made.
WE HAVE to do something about it.
AUSTRALIA (and other developed nations) HAVE TO do more than "something".
I am willing to pay a few extra dollars a day to ensure a better future for all of us.


I did want to write a proper essay on why climate change is man-made, I wanted to give all my reasons for why I believe that to be the case and why I don’t agree with what the “sceptics” have to say. Then I read what the sceptics had to say.

If they don’t have to make sense, then neither do I. If they can’t give me a reason, then I don’t have to either.

I am done ranting - and I feel much better now.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Red Red Red

I woke up this morning, stepped outside to draw a kolam and was shocked at what I saw. I have never seen so much red! At first I thought it was the sun rising... but when I couldn't see the sun and when the red persisted I got confused.

I then thought maybe there was a bushfire somewhere - but I could not smell the smoke. Then I thought perhaps a volcano had erupted somewhere. Maybe if there were ANY volcanoes in Sydney that would have been an option!

I then turned on the news and realised that it was a dust storm. I took a few pics with my phone and left it at that.

Sydney looked soo amazng this morning!

It was like mother nature had gone crazy with the red paint...

Thursday, August 20, 2009


There is a quote that goes something like this... "The only constant in life is change itself" - maybe someone can correct this for me.

I am doing my taxes after a hiatus of FIVE YAERS!! One of the (many?) benefits of being a student was not having to worry about anything in the real world!

When I went to lodge my tax return I kept getting errors. It kept telling me that my personal details didn't quite match. Eventually I got locked out of the system and had to speak to a real person to sort it out.

When I was speaking to the really nice tax lady, she asked me a few questions and I told her that all my details needed to be changed on the records. Everything about me on paper has changed over the last 5 years. My name, title, address, living arrangements, phone number, financial details - almost everything!

I was thinking about how I am almost a different person now. Physically, mentally and socially. I was a little bit taken aback by all the changes and in a way it gave me an opportunity to look back at what I was and what I have become.

I guess in another 5 years, if I look back, I will think about how much I have changed yet again...

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Let's Pretend!!

I was just reading an article about how it is perfectly normal for children to have imaginary friends. I remember a few years ago, another study was published that stated that having an imaginary friend was healthy and that children who had imaginary friends were less likely to develop depression, bipolar, Schizophrenia, etc as adults. Interesting isn’t it? Idon’t know how true either of those statements are – depends on what your “friends” are like I suppose!

I had imaginary friends as a kid. Some of you may have already heard this story. I am sure I had plenty of imaginary friends as I was growing up – having two brothers meant that I didn’t have anyone to plays with dolls with me or have a tea party with. So I would make them up. Kids do that all the time.

For example: we were at a friend’s house last weekend and they have a 4 year old. He asked everyone to play Table Tennis with him. After playing for a while, both my brothers and Sudarshan were feeling tired, so they said, “Let’s play something else”. He was very insistent and decided that he would play TT by himself – he would hit the ball from one end, run to the other end, and try to hit it back – and would be having a conversation with himself the whole time! (Surely that much energy has got to be (un?)healthy at some level???)

I don’t remember the names of my imaginary friends (I don’t think I had a steady friend, they would change according to what I needed at the time) but I do remember one particular friend that I used to have. I can’t remember what he was called…

He was a big monster – about the size of three grown-ups. He was huuuge and scary looking. He could fly and would only visit “once a year”. He didn’t talk to little kids much – but he would talk to me. However, I had to be very careful not say or do anything wrong as if I did, he would get angry and accidently injure me!

While I knew my other “imaginary friends” were “imaginary”, I used always get this one friend confused. I could never remember if he really existed or not. When you are a kid, “a year” is a long time, and if others couldn’t remember him, I would assume it was simply because they “forgot”.

Psychoanalyse that!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

To love and to hold...

It is always nice when you have time to do all those things that you have been putting off for one reason or another. That is how I feel at the moment. My evenings and weekends are all mine and I can do whatever I want with them!

I have started sketching and painting again and am really enjoying it. I am also reading a lot more and have been learning Telugu (finally!). I am loving my work at the moment and am appreciating what I have in life in general.

There is a certain routine to life now – and I like it that way. I am enjoying doing all those little chores that I feel like I never had time for before. Things like organising the pantry, picking flowers for the vase or thinking of what sort of cushions will look nice. Those sorts of domestic things are no longer a “luxury” – if that makes sense!

Both Sudarshan and I are really enjoying the time we are spending together – we like being able to do what we want when we want. There seem to be no restrictions and we are enjoying every minute.

I remember feeling like this towards the end of my degree, just before my PhD, prior to getting married and then again immediately after Sudarshan and I moved out.

Every phase in life must be beautiful in its own way.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Big Day - 27th of March, 2009.

It has taken me four years and 50 days (give or take a few…) to achieve this! I got my thesis back from the binders this morning. I have taken tomorrow off from work in order to submit it to the University.

I have been looking forward to this day for SOOOOOOO long. Gone are the days when I was “excited” about my project. Then came the days when I thought “at least I am doing what I want”. Soon after that, it was, “There is probably nothing else I can do anyway!”. Finally it was, “Just finish!!”.

Now that I am at the final stretch, I don’t know how to feel! When I got my Honours theses bound, I would open it and look at all the colour pictures constantly. This morning, I didn’t even check to see if the binders had done a good job. I simply put them in a box and placed it in my brother’s car boot and said, “I will get it off you later tonight!”.

At the end of my Honours, I was excited. Somehow I expected to feel four times more excited as I did then - given that it took me four times as long to finish! However, I don’t feel excited. I don’t feel calm or relaxed. I don’t feel scared. I don’t even have a feeling of accomplishment!

I am anxious and kinda empty. A bit of an anti-climax really!

When I told Sudarshan this, he said, “You are a different person now to whom you were then.” My friend Yumna, who is always full of wisdom said, “You need to give yourself some time – you have been too involved with this so you are not seeing clearly now.”

I believe that the last year of my PhD has been the most difficult. I can not believe how long it has taken me to “get there”!

It is amusing to go through this blog to see how my attitude towards my PhD has changed from first year to fourth – and it is particularly interesting to see just how much of my life has revolved around my PhD!

Maybe once I officially “hand-in”, I will feel different…

Friday, January 09, 2009

"08"... Done and Dusted...

My customary summary of 08 is long overdue! The delay in the post in itself shows how busy the year was.


I welcomed the new year with Sudarshan and Natasha. What a day! Can't beleive that that was over a year ago now!

After living in Australian for almost 15 years, we visited Melbourne for the very first time - and absolutely loved it. More than anything else, I think it was the company that did it for me (and for everyone else there). Who could forget the singing of "Happy Anniversary to you" at the 12 Apostles, the ever-famous "Saavu giraaki" speech at Phillip Island or the tireless driving had by all? I think we all forget just how gorgeous Australia really is sometimes. There is something about being a tourist - you think you can do whatever you want without worrying about what anyone else will say or think. We should all be tourists more often...

On our way back from Melbourne, at 12 midnight, we stopped over somewhere past Wodonga at a service station and were warmly congradulated on reaching the ever-so important milestone of completing 1 year of our married life together. I remember being hit by a surge of emotion at the time. I can't explain what it was now but I remember holding Sudarshan's hand really tightly and wanting to cry.


That was when Kevin Rudd said "Sorry". What a moment.

I remember talking to my Thatha in February and he would tell Sudarshan and I constantly how happy he was with the two fo us. He would constantly tell us how he saw that we both stood by each other and how much he loved that about both of us. "Made for each-together".


My Grandparents, great-aunt, mom and Srini all left for India in March for a short break. That was the last time I saw my Thatha. I remember how their was a technical difficulty with their A380 and so couldn't leave till the next day. It was like he had come back to properly say "good-bye". I hugged my Thatha before he left - something I don't think I have done very often (if at all!).

They all left for India, Rama came to spend time with Sudarshan and myself while they were away. When Srini came back, he too spent time with us. I enjoyed looking after my brothers.


I was hurriedly working on my thesis and finishing off experiments. I remember being kept busy - both at work and at home. I had my brothers with me and my mum was back too. I spent a lot of weekends eating out at family friend's houses that month.


My mum was back, and we were all on our way to a friend's house. My dad was expected back in Sydney the next day. We suddenly got a call from my dad saying that rather than flying to Sydeny he would be flying to India as Thatha wasn't feeling well and had been admitted to hospital.

Things can change in life so suddenly. We did go to our friend's house but left early and Sudarshan and I spent the night with my mum and my brothers. There was something not quite right. I remember telling myself, "Thatha said he will come back - so he will."

I was the one to take the phone when my dad called to break the news. Somehow we had all been expecting it.

Never having lost a close relative, it was as if we didn't know what to do. We all got very busy suddenly. I volunteered myself and Sudarshan to go and buy the air tickets for my mum to leave immediately. I was in the car when I shed my first tear - then it was hard to stop.

I developed hatred that month. I hated certain people. I don't know why. Maybe bereavement does that to you. It is all too hard to understand.


June was spent coming to terms with what had happened and with realising that life doesn't stop. A certain kind macabre peace was felt - "People die. You are in grief. Then you get on with life." If I was to die, people would mourn but they would get on with their lives. It doesn't stop. It made me strangely more accepting of the world and made me see just how transcient it really is.

I still feel sad sometimes and happy at other times - but, I now know that it isn't going to last forever.


With both my parents back, our family was suddenly different. We were suddenly looking for a house to buy.


I presented at a conference and was awarded for the same. Sudarshan and I bought a house. My grandma came from India. And things were back to normal. My father in-law joined us. I got a job. I don't think I could have squeezed anymore into the month if I had tried!


The after math of all that happened in August was lingering on. I spent much of Septemeber moving and working on my thesis. I started at my new job. I don't really know where Septemeber went. It is all a blur now. I remember thinking, "If I can get through Septemeber, I can get through anything."


October is always a busy time of the year in my family. Rama's 21st, Sudarshan's 28th (so old - and I make it a point to remind him every opportunity I get :P), my 25th... Working two jobs, writing in my spare (??) time...

Stressed? Perhaps...


I started to feel calm again. I started to feel like everything was going to be ok. I was extremely grateful for what I had and had a sudden surge of self-confidence that made me feel like I could do it. Perhaps it was surviving September and October that did it!

I too was taken by Obamania and started developing a strange thirst for knowledge outside my field. Maybe it was just masked procrastination.


December continued in very much the same pace as November. However, I had started taking each day at a time and thanking my good fortune at the end of each day.

I think I was a good person this year.

There it is. 2008 - officially the year of "Accepting circumstances and valuing goodness."